Walter A (Wally) Bennett, “Papa B”, “Uncle Wally”, died on May 9 in Shoreline, WA.  Wally was a life-long Cubs fan who loved the mountains, the ocean, and exploring new places.  As a young man he went west from his home in Illinois to live for a while in Alaska and served in the Marines in China and Japan.  In 1944 he married his college sweetheart, Eleanor Ander, and settled in Urbana, Illinois where they opened the Crossroads Gift Shop and Crossroads Realty.  Growing from his leadership in the Presbyterian Church, Faith at Work and Teen Challenge, he decided to train in ministry and moved at age 55 to California to attend seminary.  He later served Bethany Bible College in the Monterey Bay area.  His love for Jesus, his family, his friends and neighbors was deep and joyful.  Wally was in the first class of docents at the Monterey Bay Aquarium.  He organized an annual 3-day gathering of extended family at Asilomar Conference Center and, with Eleanor, fostered special relationships with each of their grandchildren and a wonderful connection among the cousins.  Over 68 years, Wally and Eleanor have loved each other, their daughters, Barbara and Sally, and sons, John and Jim.  In 2003 Wally and Eleanor moved to Seattle, enjoying yet one more adventure.  In this last year Wally and Eleanor moved to Crista Senior Living, where Wally received superb care.  He died peacefully during an afternoon nap.  Faithful, loving, and ever-beloved, most especially by his dear Eleanor, his children, his nephews and nieces, his grandchildren and countless friends made throughout the years, he lives in our hearts and shall be with us always, abiding ever in God’s tender and eternal care.  Surviving  family members are Wally’s wife, Eleanor; children, Barbara Bennett (Craig Rennebohm), John Bennett(Corby), and Jim Bennett (Lindsay); grandchildren, Brynn, Melissa, Charlie, Luke and Nathan Bennett, Kelsey, Sam and Max Rennebohm; many and much-loved nieces and nephews.  Wally is also survived by his friend and caregiver, Sunia Leota.  A memorial service will be held at 2:30 on May 20 in the Ray Smith Room of Cristwood Nursing and Rehabilitation Center, 19303 Fremont Ave N. Shoreline, WA 98133.  In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to Crista Senior Living , Donor Relations, 19303 Fremont Avenue North, Shoreline, WA 98133:   Walter Bennett Memorial Fund.

Brenda Kay Tevepaugh Barnette, 65, of Troutman, passed away Wednesday, May 16, 2012 at Wilkes Regional Medical Center. She was born September 8, 1946 in Iredell County to the late Doc Tevepaugh and Ducie Rummage Tevepaugh.

She was a graduate of Troutman High School and a member of Beulah Heights Wesleyan Church.

In addition to her parents she preceded in death by three brothers Dock “Teenie” Tevepaugh, James Tevepaugh and baby Rooster Tevepaugh.

She is survived by two daughters, Lisa Spiva (Lee), of Troutman and Laura Spiva (Andrew), of Mooresville, three grandsons, PV2 Kevin Murphy, stationed at Fort Hood, TX, Steven Barnette, of Troutman and Damion Spiva, of Mooresville and two granddaughters, Taylor and Dixie Spiva, both of Mooresville. She is further survived by three brothers Raymond, Ralph and Frank Tevepaugh and numerous nieces and nephews.

A funeral service for Ms. Barnette will be conducted 4:00 PM Tuesday, May 22, 2012 in the Nicholson Funeral Home Chapel with Trent Patterson officiating. Burial will follow in the Iredell Memorial Gardens. The family will visit with friends Monday evening from 6:30 PM until 8:00 PM at Nicholson Funeral Home.

Online condolences may be made to the family at www.nicholsonfunerals.com

Nicholson Funeral Home is serving the family of Ms. Brenda Kay Tevepaugh Barnette.

“We love and miss you very much Moma and Nana”

In seminary I was told repeatedly by professors that funerals were easier to do than weddings.  Why?  Because at a wedding you had a bride who had been planning this event since the age of three, with definite ideas about what she wanted, and who was influenced by every bad wedding she had ever been to.  Add in a wedding planner, photographer, videographer and assorted drunk groomsmen, and you were in for a rough time of it.

Meanwhile, funerals involved life-long church members who wanted only to hear the word of God from their trusted pastor in their time of grief.

Now, I suppose that may have been true in about 1970.  Maybe even into the 1980’s and early 1990’s.  But by the time I was ordained in 1998, the two were equally difficult.  Today there is no question.  The average pastor would much rather deal with a bride and her princess wedding fantasies than with a grieving family.  Why? (WARNING: MANY GLARING GENERALITIES AHEAD.  ADD THE WORDS “GENERALLY”, “USUALLY”, OR “OFTEN” AS NEEDED)

Because in the case of a bride, she will only even bother with a church wedding if she is part of the church.  Most conversations with brides never get beyond the “do you have any roommates” phase, if you know what I mean.  Those who make it past that are interested, not in a fairy tale wedding, but in a marriage; as evidenced by their not moving in before the blessed event.  So, while pastors encounter angry would-be brides, if he sticks to his guns about the “move out or get married immediately” thing, then the Bridezillas just find somewhere else to get married, and weddings are a snap.

For funerals, however, you now have families that have not been a part of the church since the Carter Administration coming to you to bury their dearly departed, who was a faithful member of the congregation for lo, these many years.  The sons and daughters have no interest in the church.  They want what they want for their loved one.  The phrase “Mom wanted this for her funeral” really means, “I want this for mom’s funeral, because I don’t care what the church teaches.  And if you don’t like it, you won’t be doing the funeral.  The Methobapticostal guy down the street with do it for us.”  The family will hold the body of the deceased hostage over whatever bad ideas they have for a funeral.  And you should hear some of the things that pastors must now contend with.

Click here, if your stomach is strong enough.  I couldn’t finish the article.  It details how the “funeral industry” (The term itself gives me the willies) is dealing with the new predilection for what can only be termed agnostic remembrance rites.

Pastors are finding these things coming into their churches with alarming frequency.  I had a funeral director once tell me that if I wanted to do the service a certain way, I would need the approval of the family.  I told him that I was happy to discuss it with the family, but it wasn’t optional.  Since it was only minutes before the funeral, there would be no time to get a more compliant minister.  The family agreed, not because of an ultimatum on my part, but because, in the words of the funeral director, “Oh, you want a church funeral at the funeral home!”  Fortunately, they knew that mom was a church-going member, and that she wanted a funeral in keeping with that.  They were far more reasonable than the funeral director.  Such is not always the case. Pastors have had the body snatched away from them.  No funeral for this faithful member because the pastor wanted to do a funeral that the dearly departed would have wanted to have.

The problem is (as the article points out) that the funeral director is seen as the spiritual guide on this journey of grief.  The pastor is merely the hired actor who performs the pageant.  If you don’t like his style of acting, or if he won’t do the pageant you want, you simply hire a new actor.  They are, after all, a dime a dozen.

I think the time is quickly coming when pastors need to take a stand and say, “This is what we do for your loved one, and you know in your heart of hearts it is what she wanted us to do.  But if that’s not what you want, you can take the body away for your pagan rituals.  We expect the church to suffer, even as we try to respect the memory of the saints who have gone before. We will have a service in the church, to which you are absolutely invited.  We will have a luncheon afterwards to remember the life of service they had in the church, and to celebrate the life they have now, a life that is better than we can imagine, and you are also invited to that.  But know this, each of these events will be done according to our rite.  And even if you snatch the body away, I will go to the cemetery at some point, and I will commit the body of this saint to God’s care, in the sure and certain hope of the resurrection.  And all of this is true because the church is not transformed by the world.  We who are a part of the church are transformed by Christ. So, hold hostage the body of this saint if you will.  But do not ask us to be less than what   she was, or to offer her less than she deserves.”

Thomas Rayford Tulbert, 76, of Union Grove, passed away Friday, May 11, 2012 at Iredell Memorial Hospital. He was born December 13, 1935 in Iredell County to the late Jesse Tulbert and Velma York Tulbert.

He attended Iredell County Schools and in 1968 married Aileen Harris Tulbert, who survives. Mr. Tulbert was a self employed truck driver and then became a retired truck driver for Gaither Trucking. He was also a member of the Baptist Faith.

Along with his parents he is also preceded in death by a son Jerry Tulbert and two brothers Larry Tulbert and John Edward Tulbert.

In addition to his wife of 47 years, he is also survived by a son Joe Tulbert (Shelia), of Mooresville, two daughters, Christa Myers, of Hamptonville and Samantha Watkins (Jerry), of Harmony, one step-son Scotty Bracken (Debbie), of Mocksville. He is further survived by two sisters Linda Eason, of Statesville and Kay Arnold (Charlie), of Climax, NC; nine grandchildren and nine great grandchildren. He is also survived by a special companion “Flash” and two friends, Terry and Doris Eudy.

A funeral service for Mr. Tulbert will be conducted 6:00 PM Monday, May 14, 2012 at Zion Baptist Church in Union Grove with Dr. Joey Tomlin officiating. Burial will follow on a later date. The family will visit with friends following the service.

In lieu of flowers, memorials may be made to Gordon Hospice House, 2347 Simonton Road, Statesville, NC 28625 or to Zion Baptist Church, 714 Union Grove Road, Union Grove, NC 28689 or donations may be made to the family.

Online condolences may be made to the family at www.nicholsonfunerals.com

Nicholson Funeral Home is serving the family of Mr. Thomas Rayford Tulbert.